Tuesday, October 11, 2005

A Road less traveled.

It seems that I've been going throught this midlife reevaluation far too long. I am trying to keep my focus on the long run and act accordingly. There comes a time in everyones life when they may opt or be forced to reevaluate their place in the world. When everthing you thought/believed gets challenged and may never be the same again. Maybe it"s just me, perhaps some just ignore the nagging and live a life without examination. Thats fine for some, not me. Many of you know that I went through a scare with cancer a few years ago. Seems that started me down a road less traveled and sometimes I got a little lost, despite my good sense of direction. That was the same year my favorite senior citizen passed through this world into the next, but not before she said to me in a dream, "everything was going to be OK girlie." I have no reason to doubt but cannot help thinking of my Gran as it is now the anniversary of her departure. Her final words reverberate in my mind, "you must take the bitter with the sweet."

Whatever happens next, I know that I can face it without worry and remourse because there are trials and tribulations that we all must endure. Nothing is so bad that I cannot enjoy the simple pleasures in life from the first cup of coffee in the morning, to the friend who adminsters first aid. The friends who gently remind me that it's time to snap out of it and they would be right. These are the best friends I know. It's not always easy to hear what we don't want to face.
I am ready to put this test to an end and hope that in the future I will only see the beauty; of the sunsets, the purr of the ocean as it breaks on the shore and the laughter of those I care about most. I promise to stop making those self depricating jokes and stop wanting the body of my youth. Truth is I wouldn't trade experience and maturity for endless days of sunbathing on the beach. I have learned that we have no time to waste, no time to leave kind words of love unsaid. There are a great many lessons in life and this is just one that I am ready to put aside....God williing.

12 comments:

Merci said...

My thoughts are with you. This is a month of loss for me, too. My dad passed away nearly 20 years ago. I cannot believe it's been that long, and I am saddened by all he missed.

It's good to examine your life, but it's good to take breaks from it, too. I am non-plussed by the amount of time I have spent sleeping for the last 2 days. I could sleep again right now. Too much examination is not good, especially when change is not really an option. Give yourself a breather!

Karl said...

Re-evaluation is good. It occurs all the time with me. You shouldn't loose sleep over it, but there is nothing at all wrong with re-examining your life and your goals from time to time. It means you're alive, and not just "floating" through life. So go ahead, re-evaluate, re-design if necessary, and re-live.

Joe Tornatore said...

negative feelings are as valuable a lesson plan as positive ones. "bitter with the sweet" as you said. loneliness turns to the appreciation of friends, boredom spurs creativity, the abject dislike of someone who wronged you promotes the attraction of another.

Zelda Parker said...

Thank you for your thoughts on the matter. I don't know where it will all lead, but I am welcoming the changes that are positive in the next chapter.
Peace,

Weary Hag said...

I think the sooner we are all able to embrace change within ourselves, the more contented we can become.

I'm glad you're able to post about such things. You gave me reason, this morning, to stop being so bitter at myself for the negative changes that I've had absolutely no control over whatsoever.

Life can be grand.

Merci said...

Here's a toast to life being grand!

Weary Hag said...

Incase you read this, I tried clicking on Merci's link to get to her site and could not find her blog name in her profile! It's not there for some reason.
I would love to visit her site but can't. Any suggestions?

Merci said...

www.aroomsomewhere.blogspot.com

I'll check my setting right now!

Merci said...

oops, settings.

Zelda Parker said...

"Life is great if we know what to do with it."
Garbo

Merci said...

Isn't that the beauty of "maturity?" I feel so much better prepared to recognize and take advantage of the good things!

Pax Romano said...

Dear Zelda,
What ever road you do chose, you know that Saul and Ant'ny and Groucho and W.C. and all the rest will be there to remind you not to take the damn journey so seriously!!!!!!